The day I found happiness

A while back I was in prison. My cell was of my own mental construct. Of course, by now you probably gathered that the prison I am referring to is actually a state of mind than an actual place. However, it is a prison nonetheless and you cannot stand one more moment in it; there is nowhere to go. Sometimes it's actually much easier to break out of correctional facility than break free of discontentment in your own mind as the mind is everywhere you are. You can run but you can't hide from it.

Most people do something expecting something for it in return be it in their personal lives or professional lives. Now in the case of the profession, this is a fair supposition as we will soon starve working for free. However, leaving the professional sphere aside what I would like to focus on is our personal domain. The relationships we have with family, friends, and partners. We use the same mechanics of expectation in the family sphere that we use in a commercial sense and not even realize it. In reality, easily quantifiable rewards do not exist in the personal sphere as there is so much grey area and so much left to interpretation. How do we value something nice someone does for you so you can pay them back in kind. The answer is you seldom can. For example, for some giving a $50 gift is not a significant expense as they earn plenty while for others, the same gift could be equal to their monthly wage; therefore for the low wage earner, this is an expensive gift. Then there is the receiver of the gift that may place an entirely different value for the same gift than the wealthy gift giver or the poor gift giver.

There is seldom satisfaction in giving and receiving; which would leave one person or the other feeling short-changed. This feeling of dissatisfaction will further manifest and affect our relationships negatively. The other person may not see our perspective and not realize what the problem is. This realization was monumental for me. I realized that if I act without expectation then there is nothing to get upset over. The need to seek favor for kind acts should no longer exist in our minds. Every time I do something I ask my self if I do this for this person if he/she can't return the favor will I be fine with it? If the answer is yes I will perform the kind gesture and if the answer is no then I will not. Further, I have realized that if an act of kindness is done and later regretted it's not an act of kindness; it is no different from a commercial transaction. Not expecting something in return will increase happiness many fold. Firstly, there is no expected reward for the act and secondly, if someone does reward you for your kind act that reward is even sweeter as there is no preconceived expectation to negatively value that reward against.

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